;) It's good to be back...I think?

Wow... Seriously, how LONG has it been since I last updated?

Well, I'm not gonna answer that but nonetheless, I'M HERE TO RANT! MUAHAHAHAHAAHA!

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The issue of the day: Come and Go

I've been observing all my dear friends at SMKBU and the frightening truth has dawned upon me: a lot of my friends (and various people) are leaving SMKBU.

I would be a terrible liar if I said the news doesn't make me feel sad. It does make me feel horribly sad to the extent I might start crying if I kept talking about it. It's not the only thing that's making me feel sad. Ever since I first saw people walking out through the gates of SMKBU and never returning, it makes me feel as though I'm stuck somewhere in the cement of SMKBU. Yes, I admit I really, really love SMKBU. But sadly, it's been pummeling down the drain lately.

I'm honestly tired of seeing teachers limiting our choices and achievements. I'm freaking tired to see people not tiring hard enough. I'm extremely tired to see people giving up on things just because its too hard to be fulfilled. I'm seriously tired of seeing people with undiscovered talent not knowing their full potential. It just feels so sad to see those things happening right under my nose.

Yes, all of these things are actually happening at SMKBU . . . and I don't like it.

Sadly, the damage inflicted has run in too deep until it almost seems unrepairable. The only solution to it is either we get a promising Pengetua (someone like dear old Puan Chan, the most loved Pengetua in the history of SMKBU) or . . . (gulps) I transfer myself out to another school.

Again, I would be a terrible liar if I said I have never considered of transferring out of SMKBU. Why not? A few number of my friends has done so and they never turned back. I have been considering to transfer out of SMKBU. To which school, I'm not certain, but nonetheless I felt like the right thing to do was to leave. But how could I?

I thought to myself, 'why the hell do I want to transfer myself into a totally new school where I absolutely know no one when I'm currently at a school with all my lovely friends and teachers?' Transferring out of SMKBU feels like you're moving out of your old home. (Trust me, I know how it feels)

I irrevocably and undeniably love SMKBU.

But I feel my choices are limited. I've always thought cheerleading was something interesting to do. Unfortunately, we have no cheerleading squad in SMKBU. I also thought basketball could've been awesome. Sadly, the basketball team is almost extinct in SMKBU. I have found a number of neighboring schools that seems to offer promising choices for me to find my full potential.

But there's always a risk to pay. I'll be the new girl and honestly, I hate the idea of it. I've never been a 'new girl' in my entire life. Kindergarten hardly counts because everyone was a friend when you were younger. Elementary school was slightly different but still, it's particularly the same as kindergarten. Secondary school was no different. I still see some familiar faces and I've never felt alone all by myself.

But when you're a new student, it's kinda scary because you know no one yet people are looking at you under a microscope as if you're their new Biology experiment. Besides, whenever I'm anxious, I tend to be frightened and scared. So you can imagine the damage I could do if I tried to introduce myself to new people.

So, that's my main question: 'should I transfer out of SMKBU or not?'

I know I would terribly miss all my friends at SMKBU and hopefully, they'll miss me as well. But I've got to make sacrifices for my future.

Oh, god, why is everything so darn complicated?

--

"The clock of Life ticks endlessly,
Sometimes too fast or too slow but you never now,
Moments pass by like a passing shadow,
Sometimes you just want everything to stop."

-In Her Own Head-
Yasmin